He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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