do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
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It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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