Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
