1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
