This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i would one night stand the shit outta him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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