I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
