I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
