I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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