I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
