just tell him i said nine months
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
