Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
