I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
