Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
