Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
