i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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