That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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