i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
