Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
