my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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