Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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