We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
