I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
