Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
