My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
