I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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