I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
