my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
