This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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