Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
