the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
