when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
