I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
