Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
