so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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