My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
