His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
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It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
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We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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