don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
