Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
