I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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