come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
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No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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