i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
