I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
