It's Friday. Sex?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
