We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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