There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Someone came in the potted fern
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
