Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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