Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
