PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize