I puked a lego.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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