can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
