Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
