why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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