nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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