5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
