the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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