I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she woke up with a sticky ear
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
