I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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