I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
