I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
