So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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